Tuesday, May 12, 2009

You'll be the first thing I cut, witch. Cheers!

I spoke to my dad and step-witch, er Janet tonight.

The highlight? Wait, those are what I got in my hair the other day.

Oh, that's right, talking with this woman only offers lowlights...
Janet: So when you come out to see us, bring your wedding stuff and we'll make adjustments.
[Scott hears this, raises his eyebrows and ducks out of the room. Smart man.]
Me: What do you mean, 'adjustments?'
Janet: Well, I know you were talking about doing flowers for centerpieces...
Me: [interrupting] SILK flowers.
Janet: Well, flowers are expensive.
Me: [again trying to get a word in edge-wise] Um, cheap SILK flowers. They'll match my bouquets...
J: Uh-huh ... So I was thinking, most caterers offer like a mirror and candles for free. You can just do that.
Me: [ Thinking about the TWENTY-FIVE extra people she and my dad INSISTED be added to the guest list last month] I don't think we need to make any adjustments like that. I want the flowers.
J: Oh, sure, I mean, after all this IS youuuuur day...
Me: Right. Thanks. So...
J: ... But it will still be nice without the flowers. So that's the sort of thing we could talk about. Be sure to bring an itemized list (she actually said that) with you of what you've paid and what services you get for that... be specific as possible... oh, and then when the balance is due.
Me: ::Gulp:: mumble, mumble.
J: I didn't hear what you said...

At that point, I had strolled over to the dining room, where our dinner was getting cold, grabbed the bottle of wine Scott had just opened and let it hang for a moment over my glass. Then, I smiled, flipped the bird toward the phone and PUT THE BOTTLE TO MY MOUTH. And chugged.


I have an idea of where I can put the empty bottle, too.
Any guesses???

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